RELEASE

Here I am...in my apartment listening to the foo fighters very loudly....trying to file my taxes.....what a pain in the ass...at 4 o'clock I have a test that is scheduled at the Computer based testing center....is it really coming to the point where it's too hard to use a pencil and write on paper? I mean if there were doing the CBT thing for economic reasons such as using less paper and not killing so many trees....but that's not their intentions...I honestly don't know what their intentions are...

anyways...my plan for today is to take my dog and introduce him to a bunch of other dogs around here....it sounds really lame I know...but I met these awesome pit bulls through my friend...and I think my dog could use a little interaction with other dogs...it's nice to be around your own species every now and then lol..

so life is still pretty stressful for me...it's not only college, but it's everything...it's living in this apartment with Cory...and trying to figure out my relationship with everyone....Cory is just a good friend and that's why I moved in with him...but he tells me these little things that make it sound like he likes me...I don't want that to happen...and now one of his friends just told me the other day that he likes me...

I can't take it anymore...I'm so sick of things getting crazy...I'm technically in a relationship that I've been in for three years...well I'm supposed to be....I don't know what's going to happen with it....I don't feel the same about things anymore..

He acts like the male is meant to be dominant...sure whatever...maybe the male is SOMETIMES more dominant just because of their physical strength...but fuck you....if we're in a "Relationship" and you tell me that you're dominant and I should be submissive and that I don't have the right to do whatever...then all I can say is FUCK YOU....

I WILL NOT be in a relationship where the other person doesn't see us as equal......I AM NOT submissive...and never will be.

You shouldn't have to try to dominate me...I should WANT to do things for you....just because I want to do things for you does not make me submissive...I'm doing it of my own free will because I want to.

Maybe I just shouldn't be in a relationship....


But I do know that I need something more out of life that I don't have right now...I'm not exactly sure what that is...maybe someone I can talk to...someone who will be here for me...something..

I always feel so alone...and I don't tell anyone anything...I hide it all...keep it a secret...

I don't want to keep everything inside...it has to be released