this is for you

Love is such a fucking lie...how could I fall for something so fucking stupid and fake...it was NEVER real...no one loved me....LOVE IS A FUCKING LIE.

I put all of my heart and my soul into loving someone...I waste so much of my time trying and trying feeling like a fucking retard begging him to stay and begging him not to leave me...why should I be the one begging? if he wanted to leave in the first place, then he never loved me. you can't love someone and then leave them all alone out of nowhere and not even fucking tell them what's going on because you're an ignorant inconsiderate ASS HOLE!

do you think I was fucking lying when I said I Love You and that I was in love with you and that you meant everything to me and that I wanted to marry you?

HOW CAN SOMEONE LIE ABOUT SOMETHING LIKE THAT??

I just wanted this to work....I feel so much more dead inside now...I can't steer clear of wanting to do drugs and getting absolutely shit faced...I just keep trying to do more and more and more all at once so maybe something will happen to me...maybe I'll overdose and degydrate and I'll pass out...maybe something really bad will happen....I don't fucking care anymore...no one else does why should I?

I wasn't put on this fucking planet to be miserable and feel like shit....and I can't fucking handle it anymore..

sometimes I want to kill myself in the bloodiest way so that the people that I have loved that have hurt me see the damage they've caused to me...

I want to kill myself right in front of you Mario!! I want you to see me tear myself apart and bleed..I want you to see me cry while I'm doing it...I want you to hear me tell you that I still love you on the verge of death..

I hate my life..