I'm a horrible person....I really really am...that's all there is to say about me...I'm horrible..
I really hate all of the options in this fucking world...it's not that fact that it's because I can't make a decision...it's because I don't know how to get to the point to where I need to make the decision...There's so many things I want in life, and I don't know how to get them. It's really depressing..I don't know what to do.
I just want things to work, I don't want to have to always be worrying about everything. I've always had to worry about something...I hate it..
I don't know where to go....do I choose the right or the left path? do I create my own? what do I do? where do I go? how do I do all of this? what's my motivation? what's my reward? what's the punishment? what? what? what?
It's so hard to be starting my life out on my own with no help, no guidance, no opinions...no support..
I just wish I had some support..I wish I had someone that understood me at all..
Maybe I will soon..
I don't know..
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Brittany,
ReplyDeleteI see you are still going on about how miserable your life is. What I find very amusing is that you want to talk to somebody who might understand you, but you dont want to try me. ha hahahahahahahaha. That has made my day. hehehehheheheh hahahaha.
Brittany,
ReplyDeleteYou are not crazy and you are not alone. I remember struggling with many of the same issues and heartaches when I was younger.
I can recommend a few books that could be extremely helpful in getting you started toward knowing your true self, and thus providing a clearer path for decision making and finding contentment in life.
The one book at the top of the list would be;
"Soul without Shame" by Byron Brown
(A guide to liberating yourself from the judge within). This is one of the best self help books of all time. He explains the complex issues that contribute to our current views (of ourselves, others and the world) and gives exercises on how to work through all the layers that hide our true essence and strength. We are all born with this presence, but it takes a bit of work to break through the garbage that we find ourselves hidden under. It is one of the most hopeful and helpful books I have run across. There is no specific orientation toward ideology or religion. No judgment, just pure insight and guidance.
There are several books by Beverly Engel which are outstanding.
"Nice Girls Syndrome"
"Healing Your Emotional Self"
(A powerful program to help you raise your self-esteem, quiet your inner critic and overcome shame).
"The Emotionally Abused Woman"
(Overcoming destructive patterns and reclaiming yourself).
In general, society does not recognize emotional abuse and self hatred the way it does physical abuse. Ironically, emotional neglect, abuse, disregard and being treated with indifference can be much more damaging than a physical assault, and more difficult to see and come to terms with.
If you are interested, perhaps your college library will have one or more of these books available. I read in one of your posts that you didn't have alot of extra cash, so that might be an alternative.
I am a female who has worked in health care/ mental health.