these three words

I hate everyone! I hate every piece of shit on this planet. fuck everyone...pieces of fucking scum that's what they are....how can someone tell someone else that they love them and then turn around and hurt them? how does someone do that? why?

first of all I don't tell anyone I Love them unless I absolutely mean it...and notonly that but love is special and sacred to me...no one gets my love unless you're really special.

when I tell someone I love them and that I'm in love with them (speaking in an intimate relationship sense) I mean it, it is no lie. I am willing to do anything for that person...my goal is to make them happy...to love them..

but what do I get in return? an I love you? those words don't even seem important anymore..

I wrote this several years ago..

These three words I want to say,
but I can't stand another day.
You're too close it's killing me
when once you said that you loved me.
Now nothing but a memory
I will clearly start to see
that maybe we weren't meant to be
and that you weren't the right one for me.
"I Love You" was not a phrase
it was said in a special way,
that was only meant for you to hear
throughout my most remembered year.
My three words I said to you,
was not a phrase, but it was true.
"I Love You" what once was said..
is now a phrase, the love is dead.

I believe I wrote that the very first time my heart was broke by someone who lied to me. He told me he loved me for years, and it was a lie.

I have never written anything after that which was quite a few years ago. I feel like I've lost any and all ability to write anything at all. It really sucks because I have so many things I've written, but they were all from then. I can't even draw anymore.

I've lost every ability I've ever had. No wonder no one would want to stay with me. They leave when they're bored.

I try and I try but I can't make anyone happy...I can make people smile and laugh, but only for a moment...why can't they stay happy? I don't care so much about my happiness when I'm in a relationship...I'm not greedy, I want the other person to be happy. I want to make them happy.

But I haven't accomplished that.

I've given up, and now I'm ready to destroy myself.