Is this how it's supposed to be?

one of these days I promise I wont be here any longer..you can go ahead and criticize me all you want....but I don't fucking belong here...I want to kill everyone...I want to just kill people...I'm fucking miserable...I don't think I'm capable of ever being happy...

what am I waiting for? I keep waiting and waiting...I keep thinking to myself...this isn't normal to feel this way...it's not right...am I crazy? am I insane? why do I feel this way?

was my life that bad? was symbolizing I'm lifeless now..it doesn't even matter what happens to me...

I don't care..

I feel absolutely horrible for feeling this way because no one knows..I honestly wish that someone did know...that way maybe there would be some kind of help...but I don't think there ever can be help for the way I feel.

honestly...I have this dying feeling inside...my stomach it's always uneasy...always unsettled..it rumbles...it shakes...it jitters..it growls...I feel like it's always empty...so I think I'm hungry...but the "hunger" is never fulfilled...it's not hunger for food...it's something else...and I don't know how to fulfill it..I've been trying to figure it out for the longest time.

I don't look like a wreck...I don't look like I feel the way I do.....but I am a wreck and I do feel the way that I do.

I could be walking through the busiest place in the world...and I could still feel alone...I could be surrounded with many people I know...all of them talking to me...and I still feel alone, empty and meaningless?

I don't know how life is supposed to be...because apparently I have a different life than most, but is it supposed to be like this? are you supposed to be so lost and confused? are you supposedto be consumed by a scary feeling?

I'm fucking scared...I'll admit it...because I'm in a scary place all alone...my mind is in a scary fucking place, and it wont leave..

I need a LONG vacation