make a wish

9 o'clock on a Saturday night....what am I doing? sitting in my dorm room....alone.

funny how the old Brittany would never have just sat around by herself and did absolutely nothing..

but a lot has changed...now I have no where to go...no one to spend time with...nothing to do..

I can't go for walks to the park to sit on the pic nic tables and relax...or go jogging on the trails in the woods...I'm in Akron now...and there's nowhere to go...no park..no woods...no safety if there were those things..

why did I come here? oh yeah...I didn't think anything through..

ughhh...I want to play scrabble...but what's the use when I will just play alone? I want to converse but I have no one to talk to so I sit here and write these useless blogs...I still don't get the same satisfaction as I do when I talk to a person that is actually here..but I don't have that so I have to compromise...

I don't even want to eat anymore...

it's so weird...I remember when I lived at home I would cook all the time when people came over....muffins...cookies..cakes...stir frys...dinners...breakfast...anything...but I would never cook if I were alone..I only wanted to eat if I had company..

it's not that I can't be alone...I don't want to be..I hate it...everything I do alone feels meaningless..b/c why am I doing it? for myself? that isn't good enough...

so weird that I take care of others better than myself.

soon I will be gone from Akron forever..

and I will start my journey all over again...hopefully it's right this time...I can't keep starting over..

You only get so many chances..you only have so much money..