Death

My grandma....I love my grandma....she was and has been such a big part of my life...I'm only 18....I just turned 18 and I've hoped that she would see the day that I would get married and maybe have children...but she seems to be doing worse....everytime I see her she has such high spirits...more than I've had....

sure she has gotten on my nerves....but I Love her...I have a feeling she has gone through a lot more than I know...

I don't know what I would do if anything happened to her...she fell today...and she needs to get surgery...surgery...I went through surgery...and so many people are getting staph infections are they get sick...what if something happens to her...

I'm here at college alone with no car...no money...nothing...

If my grandmother passed away...my mom wouldn't be right..and my brother...my older brother that I care so deeply for wouldn't be okay..

He doesn't know I care so much about him, and that I Love him...but I do..I know what he's feeling...I don't know all that he's going through..but I know how he feels..

he lost his life...he's lost everything...and now he just hides..he feels like he has no one...but I want to tell him he does...I want to tell him that his crazy stupid little sister loves him very much..

why is it that I can't say the things I feel? I can't say anything at all...

I don't know...

I hope she'll be ok..