SOBER

I havenn't written in about a month...what has happened? I've been in Orwell since then....I've gotten a job....and a new bf.....and I signed up to take online college classes...so I guess I have everything set right? well then why don't I seem ok?...

I don't wanna be the girl who laughs the loudest
Or the girl who never wants to be alone
I don't wanna be that call at four o'clock in the morning
'Cause I'm the only one you know in the world that won't be home

Aahh, the sun is blinding
I stayed up again
Oohh, I am finding
That's not the way I want my story to end

[Chorus]
I'm safe
Up high
Nothing can touch me
But why do I feel this party's over?
No pain
Inside
You're my protection
But how do I feel this good sober?

I don't wanna be the girl who has to fill the silence...
The quiet scares me 'cause it screams the truth
Please don't tell me that we had that conversation
When I won't remember, save your breath, 'cause what's the use?

Aahh, the night is calling
And it whispers to me softly, "come and play"
Aahh, I am falling
And if I let myself go, I'm the only one to blame

[Chorus]
I'm safe
Up high
Nothing can touch me
But why do I feel this party's over?
No pain
Inside
You're like perfection
But how do I feel this good sober?

Comin' down
Comin' down
Comin' down
Spinnin' round
Spinnin' round
Spinnin' round
Looking for myself.. Sober

Comin' down
Comin' down
Comin' down
Spinnin' round
Spinnin' round
Spinnin' round
Looking for myself.. Sober

When it's good, then it's good, it's so good, 'till it goes bad
Till you're trying to find the you that you once had
I have hurt myself, cried,
Never again
Broken down in agony
And just trying to find a friend

[Chorus]
I'm safe
Up high
Nothing can touch me
But why do I feel this party's over?
No pain
Inside
You're like perfection
But how do I feel this good sober?

[Chorus]
I'm safe
Up high
Nothing can touch me
But why do I feel this party's over?
No pain
Inside
You're like perfection
But how do I feel this good sober?

How do I feel this good sober?

A reason for my sadness...another reason to drink

my grandma is in a coma right now...

I would pray for her...but to who? I don't believe in God...and what would I pray for? for her to be alive and miserable never seeing the outsides of a hospital or for her to die so she can be relieved and in piece while leaving everyone that loves her behind not knowing what to do?...

my mom.....my grandmas daughter fails to see that she has a daughter of her own...a daughter who is also losing her grandmother...and that she's not the only one suffering...all of this time my own mom has forgotten about me because she doesn't love me her daughter as much as she loves her mother.......it's sad but true...I do love my mom...as much as we have fought and wanted to kill each other in the past...I do love her..and I hate seeing...and hearing all of these things....every day for the past month I have gotten phone calls from my mom telling me that my grandma might not make it...how do you think I've felt? how do you think I've gone about my days after a phone call like that? every day I've had to worry about whether or not I was ever going to get to see my grandma again.

So close to mothers day makes this very dispairing..... I was going to send her a beautiful vase of flowers....

I thought that my grandma would get to see me get married...

I feel like a piece of shit for not giving a damn about my own life...when someone that actually enjoys living is losing theirs...I would give mine to her in a heartbeat.......